Irreplaceable
by Pickleweasel1208
Summary: Sasuke tries to do something to try to fulfill his fantasies of being with his brother and relieve his sexual tension... but will it work? Warning: implications of brother/brother incest
1. Chapter 1

Sasuke couldn't remember the last time he had felt this nervous. Possibly never.

He had spent a month lurking the personals section of Craigslist, learning the lingo, and working up the courage to place his own ad. In the past hour, he had written, deleted, and rewritten the personals ad more times than he could count.

"18 y/o fit Japanese-American male ISO 21-26 y/o Japanese or Japanese-American male for NSA encounter: big brother/little brother roleplay. Must be D/D free. Long hair preferred, ability to speak and understand Japanese a plus.

Your pics get mine.

Discretion a must."

Sasuke didn't know whether his specifications were just because he wanted the man answering the ad to be as much like Itachi as possible, to make it more realistic… or because he was scared shitless of going through with it and wanted a safe out in the excuse that no one met his standards.

He wasn't surprised when email responses didn't come pouring in to the throwaway email account he had created for the sole purpose of placing the ad. From what he had seen, big/little brother fantasies weren't something that came up on Craigslist… ever. Plus, he hadn't posted a picture of himself in the ad to catch people's attention. He knew he would get more responses if he had include a photo in the ad – he didn't deny that he was attractive, and his looks alone had led to a few brave souls ignoring his standoffish demeanor and asking him out at college.

But he didn't want any of them, he wanted Itachi. Or, for a one time fantasy fulfillment, someone as much like Itachi as possible. And if he had included a picture of himself, he'd probably have gotten responses from all the wrong sorts of people. Besides, he would be recognized as the son of the CEO of Uchiha Petroleum Inc., and well, that just wouldn't do.

Still, he had little hope and after a day he almost took down the ad. Almost. But then when he logged into Gmail to go into the message to edit or delete his posting, a new email arrived in his inbox with a title referencing Sasuke's Craigslist message.

Sasuke's heart fluttered in his chest as he hovered the cursor over the new email, suddenly afraid to click. He took a deep breath, telling himself that it was silly to be nervous about simply _opening_ an email, and clicked on the message.

"Your ad is intriguing. I fit the description of what you are looking for to the letter – first generation Japanese and I speak the language, I'm 23, discreet, D/D free, and I hope you'll find me attractive - below is a link to my photo. I could potentially be your aniki for an evening, if you're interested. I would love to see your photo. Looking forward to hearing from you.

I would sign my name, but thought maybe you would rather not know it, to make things more realistic. Take care."

Below the message was a link, presumably to the man's photo.

Well. The man had clearly read the ad, had responded appropriately, and supposedly met Sasuke's standards so far, if Sasuke could trust him. Not giving his name to add to the fantasy was a nice touch, Sasuke had to admit. Now all that was left to do was to click the link to look at the picture, and reply.

Sasuke took another deep breath and clicked the link. A photo came up showing a man of Japanese descent, wearing only a pair of low-hanging jeans. His handsome, sharp-featured face was framed by straight black hair that hung down past his shoulders, disappearing behind a long, lean torso. The man's nipples were two dark spots on a flawless pale chest, and Sasuke sucked his lower lip into his mouth as his gaze ventured to the dip of navel, slightly protruding hipbones, and the treasure trail peeking out from above the hem of the man's jeans. He didn't quite look like Itachi, but he was damn hot, Sasuke had to admit. And he wasn't _too_ far off, and in the dark, Sasuke could pretend.

_Fuck it_, Sasuke thought. He clicked the button to attach a file to a reply message, chose a photo of himself fully clothed, then carefully composed his reply.

"Thank you for your reply. I am definitely interested in meeting with you. My photo is attached. Sorry it's not even a partial nude, but if you recognize me you'll understand my need for discretion. If you're still interested, email me back and we'll work out the details. Also, I'm fine not knowing your real name, thank you for thinking of that. I look forward to hearing back from you."

Sasuke didn't even scan for spelling errors. He was afraid he'd lose his nerve, so he just clicked "send".

And then he sat and waited, aimlessly browsing the internet, until a new message arrived.

"Sasuke, I promise your secret's safe with me. I know it's not easy to want these kinds of things. I'm still interested. I can meet on a weekday evening after 6 PM, or on a Saturday or Sunday. The weekend would be preferable to give us more time. Just let me know when works for you, and how you'd like to do this. I look forward to meeting you."

Sasuke reread the message, relief flooding through him that the man wouldn't expose that the younger Uchiha brother wanted to indulge in an incestuous fantasy. Of course, the man had no way of knowing the depth of Sasuke's attraction to Itachi, the intense love he felt for his older brother. But if he had wanted to, the man could probably have sold a story to one of the tabloids that required less evidence to back up their articles. And despite it all being hearsay, since nothing Sasuke had written could be directly linked to him, any story like that could damage his reputation, that of his family, and that of the company. He had been selfish to take the risk of placing the ad in the first place, and was grateful that the man with whom he had been corresponding was in it to get in Sasuke's pants, nothing more, nothing less.

And that suited Sasuke just fine.

He typed a new reply, the words coming to his mind surprisingly easily.

"Thank you for your understanding and discretion."

Sasuke paused there, realizing he had been using that word frequently, but pressed on. He didn't need to worry too much about phrasing, but he seemed to always need to find _something_ to nitpick during this whole process. He was second guessing himself, and he hated it. All he wanted was to live out what he knew he never could with Itachi, with a stranger, pretend the stranger was Itachi, and then they could part ways.

Because as much as Sasuke wanted his older brother to love him the way he loved Itachi… it wasn't going to happen. It wasn't the way of the world, and it wasn't how Itachi felt, he knew it. Itachi dated women, infrequently, yes, but women all the same. He wasn't gay. Though, even if he were, Sasuke presumed he would hide it from the family… at least their parents… but still. Sasuke had a feeling Itachi was straight. And Itachi certainly, certainly didn't have romantic or sexual feelings for his little brother. Sasuke would have noticed – he had looked for signs when he realized he was in love with Itachi, but none were to be found. So Sasuke had resigned himself to finding porn with actors who looked as much like Itachi as possible, which was rare, or incest-themed porn, most of which was obviously not real brothers, and had horrible dialogue, but he took what he could get.

And now, what he wanted, what he could get, was sex with someone who looked somewhat like Itachi, who could speak to him in Japanese in the way he had longed for Itachi to since he had started going through puberty. In a way that was forbidden between brothers, that if some way, somehow, Itachi did feel the same way, if they did something and were discovered, they would wind up disowned.

Suddenly very weary, Sasuke blinked hard, realizing he had been staring blankly at the bright computer screen. He didn't have the energy to go into a detailed email of what exactly he wanted tonight.

"How about this coming Saturday afternoon? We can talk more tomorrow about details."

He sent the message and a reply came back after he had closed out his various browser windows, except for Gmail.

"Sounds good. You can message me on Gmail any time after 6PM tomorrow. Sleep well, Sasuke."

Sasuke smiled faintly, imagining his brother saying the last words, replied with "Thanks, you too. Talk to you tomorrow evening" and shut down his laptop.

When he lay in bed a few minutes later, after brushing his teeth and washing his face, the image of the man's photo came unbidden to his mind, alongside pictures of his brother. Sasuke still was reeling with the fact that he was actually going to do this. He was anxious, that was for sure, but he hoped that it would be worth it.

And he wished that society wasn't such that he had to do this to fulfill his desires. Wished that it wasn't considered wrong for him to want the real Itachi.


	2. Chapter 2

The next evening at 5:59 PM, Sasuke sat at his desk, laptop on, Gmail open, waiting. He didn't want to be too early in messaging the man, who he had taken to calling "Itachi-replacement" in his head. He had been distracted by thoughts of planning out their get together during his class earlier that day, and was looking forward to talking to the man. But he had to wait a few minutes first, or he ran the risk of seeming desperate or pushy. He had been fortunate enough to catch the attention of someone who was willing and able to fulfill his fantasy, and he didn't want to screw it up before he even got a chance to be in the same room as Itachi-replacement.

When the clock on his computer read 6:03, Sasuke typed a greeting to Itachi-replacement into the chat client and hit enter. Only a moment later, the client indicated that the person on the other end was typing, and Sasuke waited for text from Itachi-replacement to appear while chewing the inside of his lip nervously. When the reply came in the form of a return greeting asking how he was today, he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and sighed at himself for his nervousness. If he wanted this to work, he couldn't afford to be afraid to just talk to Itachi-replacement. So he typed a response, stating that he was fine, and asked the same. After receiving a similar reply, he requested they get started with planning their meeting.

If Itachi-replacement was at all bothered by Sasuke's desire to get down to business, he didn't show it in his messages. He, too, seemed eager to discuss the details, and asked questions, some of which Sasuke had thought of, some of which hadn't even crossed Sasuke's mind. And through their conversation, they planned the next afternoon.

They would meet at 2PM at Sasuke's place. He lived off campus in a complex not known for housing students, so there was little worry about someone he knew from his university seeing the man enter his apartment. Besides, he felt most comfortable on his home turf. He didn't want to go to someone else's home, or worse, a hotel room, where he would have to go out in public to reach his destination, and interact with someone at the front desk just to get to Itachi-replacement. The more innocuous the situation seemed and the less likelihood of anyone seeing him alone with another man, the better. Sasuke was solitary rather than sociable, so even having someone over his apartment would seem out of character. But his neighbors tended to mind their own business, and he did the same. So he and Itachi-replacement would not have to worry about getting caught, as long as they didn't do or say anything inappropriate in the hallway if anyone else was present.

Sasuke would be Otouto. Itachi-replacement would be Nii-san. Those were the words Sasuke and Itachi used for each other, so those were the words that would be used during this encounter. And they would use Japanese rather than English, because that was the language in which Itachi and Sasuke were most likely to speak to each other. They decided that they would start the fantasy of the man being Itachi from the very beginning, upon Itachi-replacement's arrival, and talked about what sorts of things Sasuke wanted him to say, and what Sasuke might say in return. They didn't make a script per se, just a set of options so that it would, as Sasuke said "feel right", and Itachi-replacement agreed that it made sense.

One thing that Itachi-replacement said made Sasuke feel foolish for not having thought of in detail, but grateful that he had a chance to explore it now, before they met. Itachi-replacement stated they should set up boundaries for the physical aspects of their time together now, so that there would be little room for miscommunication or awkwardness in the moment. Sasuke's original plans had been the ambiguous "make out and have sex", but Itachi-replacement wanted details, explaining that he didn't want to overstep any boundaries, and wanted them both to enjoy themselves, which made sense. Itachi-replacement led the way with questions, which Sasuke answered, glad that they were typing rather than talking face to face, because he could feel his cheeks grow warm with some of his replies.

Did Sasuke have any injuries, new or old, medical conditions or triggers that Itachi-replacement needed to know about for their time together? No.

Any areas of the body to avoid touching? No.

Was Sasuke okay with kissing on the lips? Yes, definitely yes.

What about attention to nipples, hot, a limit, or indifferent? Hell yes. Sasuke's nipples were quite sensitive and he liked playing with them when he masturbated, so having Itachi-replacement play with them? Yes please. Itachi-replacement seemed glad for Sasuke's enthusiasm in this area, and remarked that he liked attention to his nipples as well.

Did Sasuke want to give or receive any touches rougher than those normally given by lips, tongue, and fingers? Sasuke paused to think on this one, and decided that he didn't particularly have a preference. He just didn't want anything they did to leave marks that would be visible when he wore street clothes. Beyond that, he was open to biting, scratching, and hair pulling, if the mood was right.

Did he want to use any toys? Not particularly. He didn't own any, and was more interested in flesh and blood than rubber, plastic, or silicone for a one time encounter. Itachi-replacement said that he did have toys of the aforementioned materials, and more, but was fine with leaving them out. Sasuke was curious about what the "and more" entailed, but not enough to ask while they were negotiating.

When it came to sexual contact, what was Sasuke interested in doing? And no, just saying "have sex" apparently wasn't enough for Itachi-replacement. He needed to know specifically what Sasuke was up for and not interested in. Touching of genitals? Of course. Oral, giving and/or receiving? Both, definitely. Anal, bottoming and/or topping? For this encounter, Sasuke was more interested in bottoming. Itachi-replacement informed him that even though they both claimed to not have any sexually transmitted infections, he was in the practice of using condoms with any casual partner, and that was not negotiable. Sasuke agreed readily. He wanted to use condoms, anyway, and he was glad to see Itachi-replacement being assertive about safer sex.

Would Sasuke prefer to have safewords, or would "no", "stop", and "wait" be taken at face value? Sasuke had to google "safeword" quickly before replying that he'd prefer to keep things simple and let words retain their meanings, rather than using special words to have an out if he wanted to stop or pause.

Any kinks or desires that Itachi-replacement hadn't brought up? Sasuke couldn't think of anything beyond the obvious "I want to have sex with my brother", and they had already discussed the "Itachi-replacement is Sasuke's Nii-san" aspect of everything. So, he said there was nothing else.

With that, Itachi-replacement said he couldn't think of anything else either, and that he looked forward to seeing Sasuke the next afternoon. Sasuke echoed the sentiment, thanking Itachi-replacement for thinking of everything, and Itachi-replacement stated it was his pleasure. They bid their goodbyes and Sasuke logged off.

The rest of the evening dragged by and Sasuke wound up going to bed early in an attempt to escape from the anticipatory excitement of the next day. It took him a long time to fall asleep.

Saturday at 2:00 PM found Sasuke standing just inside his door, waiting. The day had been slow, even with his attempts to busy himself by listening to music while he cleaned the apartment, and after that, schoolwork. The latter was an exercise in futility because he couldn't stay focused. But now it was finally the time for Itachi-replacement to arrive, and Sasuke was a mixture of excited and nervous.

He didn't have to wait long before the intercom buzzer from outside the apartment complex sounded and Sasuke pressed the button to hear the person who had come to the door. "_Who is it?_" he asked in Japanese, as they had agreed upon.

"_It's me_,_ Otouto,_" came the unaccented reply, again, as planned. The voice was rich and silky, and Sasuke couldn't help but smile.

"_Come on up, then, Nii-san,_" Sasuke said, and buzzed Itachi-replacement into the building. He stood by the door, waiting for several minutes, feeling as though his heart was definitely beating faster than usual in anticipation of seeing Itachi-replacement.

A knock came at the door, and Sasuke looked through the peephole to confirm the identity of the visitor. He opened the door inward, and Itachi-replacement smiled, then entered the apartment.

After shutting the door behind him and locking it, Sasuke looked up at Itachi-replacement. He was even more attractive in person than in his photo. His eyes were as dark as Itachi's, almost black, and Sasuke could see warmth in them. And his smile was so genuine, so beautiful.

"_It's good to see you, Otouto. You've grown even more handsome since I've last seen you_." These were words that they had discussed as an option for Itachi-replacement to say, but actually _hearing_ them in Japanese from a sexy man who looked a bit like his brother was amazing to Sasuke.

"_You're the one who has become more handsome, Nii-san_," Sasuke replied, and grinned.

For all the planning they had done, the next part of the encounter was unscripted. Sasuke wasn't sure whether he should just sit down and kiss Itachi-replacement before he lost his nerve, or be polite and offer his guest something to drink. He opted for the latter, realizing his own mouth felt very dry all of a sudden.

"_Would you like something to drink? I have… water, coffee, and tea. Kind of boring, I know._"

Itachi-replacement shook his head. "_I'm fine, thanks,_" he said, and sat on one side of the couch, making himself at home.

Sasuke got a glass of water for himself and sat next to Itachi-replacement. He couldn't think of what to say, so he took a few sips, repeating the word "_relax_" in his head like a mantra.

Thankfully, Itachi-replacement seemed to recognize Sasuke's nervousness, and graced him with a beautiful smile.

"_There's no need to feel uncomfortable, Otouto. It's just us here_." Itachi-replacement reached out to grasp Sasuke's free hand and rubbed his thumb over the knuckles in a soothing motion.

"_I know, Nii-san. I'm just… I don't know._" Sasuke's sudden lack of eloquence was frustrating him, and he wanted to say that he did desire this, he just needed Itachi-replacement to make the first move. He put down his glass on the side table, and looked at Itachi-replacement, trying to find the words to express himself.

"_Hmmm, maybe I know what it is. Have you ever kissed someone before, Otouto?_" Still smiling, still stroking Sasuke's hand, Itachi-replacement didn't make it sound like a bad thing one way or the other. It was as if he was trying to reassure Sasuke.

Sasuke drew in a shaky breath. "_No, Nii-san. I wanted you to be my first._" And that was the truth. Up until this point, he hadn't wanted to kiss anyone other than Itachi. But Itachi-replacement's lips were looking awfully tempting, as he had hoped they would.

There was tenderness in Itachi-replacement's eyes as he gently brushed his knuckles across Sasuke's cheekbone. "_Oh, Otouto. You're so sweet. And such sweetness should be rewarded. Do you want a kiss from your Nii-san?_"

The words and tone sent a trickle of need through Sasuke, and he simply nodded. _Yes_, he wanted this.

Smiling, Itachi-replacement leaned in, cupping Sasuke's cheek, and their lips met. It was soft and gentle, and Sasuke closed his eyes, focusing in on his sense of touch. The warm press of another's lips on his own felt… nice. He tentatively reached up and threaded his fingers through Itachi-replacement's hair, and was met by a hum of approval.

He wasn't sure how to best deepen the kiss, but Itachi-replacement led the way and Sasuke followed, opening his mouth enough to allow his bottom lip to be sucked. Itachi-replacement's tongue traced along his lower lip and he opened his mouth further, allowing their tongues to touch, and he moaned at the new sensations, his body buzzing with anticipation.

And then the buzz began to feel unpleasant. At first it was just an annoying sensation, but soon a tightness in his chest made itself known, and air felt difficult to come by, even though Sasuke was breathing through his nose. The tongue in his mouth that was stroking his own felt alien, and the mouth on his too close, too intimate. What had seemed nice at first was beginning to feel uncomfortable and awkward.

And Sasuke realized exactly what was wrong.

This man wasn't Itachi. No matter how similar they might look, no matter how hard Sasuke tried to pretend, the man whose name Sasuke didn't even know was not Itachi.

And because he wasn't Itachi, Sasuke didn't want him. No matter how good it might feel physically to kiss this man, Sasuke could not go any farther with someone who was not Itachi.

Itachi was simply irreplaceable, and that was that.

Sasuke pulled back, breaking the kiss, and scooted away from the man to the end of the couch. The man looked puzzled at first, but the expression turned to concern the longer Sasuke went without speaking, breathing shaky, mind reeling with his realization.

"_What's wrong? Are you okay?_" The man asked, voice laced with worry. The man didn't make a move to touch him or come closer, which was good because Sasuke didn't think he could handle being touched just now.

Sasuke realized he should probably say something, confirm that he was fine, sort of, but that this couldn't continue. "_Yes. But… I can't. I can't do this. It was a bad idea. I'm sorry._" He looked down at his lap, face burning with embarrassment. Here he was, he had invited this man into his home with the promise of sex, and now he was turning the man away after just a kiss.

"Hey. Sasuke." Sasuke noted the change to English, and looked up. "It's ok. I'm not going to be a jerk and pressure you for something you don't want to do."

Sasuke sighed in relief. What a good guy this man was. Willing to help him act out a fantasy, and just as willing to call it off when Sasuke changed his mind. "Thank you. I really am sorry. I just… can't." He didn't want to go into details, didn't want the man to think he was crazy or foolish for loving Itachi so deeply that kissing someone else felt wrong.

"You don't have to explain if you don't want to. I admit, I would have liked to do more, but, if you're not up for it, you're not up for it." The man smiled gently. "Don't feel bad, okay? It's not like I'll never have another opportunity to hook up with a cute guy." The smile became a cheeky grin, and Sasuke couldn't help but laugh.

"I can believe that," Sasuke said, feeling some of the tension dissipating. "Thank you again, for understanding, for… everything."

"Sure thing. I take it you want me to go now? Or am I reading you wrong, would you prefer company? I promise I won't try anything if you do. It's your call."

Sasuke only took a moment to ponder. "I think I'd like to be alone. Sorry."

"Hey, no problem. Just don't want you to have a meltdown or anything." The man stood. "You ever need to talk, you've got my email. Take care, Sasuke. Best wishes with everything."

"You too," Sasuke replied, standing and showing the man to the door. He almost asked for the man's name, but didn't want to prolong any conversation.

With a wave, the man was gone, and Sasuke closed and locked the door. He sat back down on the couch, mulling over what he had learned from his failed attempt at a sexual encounter.

Before, he had thought of himself as gay, but now he wondered if he was just Itachi-sexual. There had been nothing wrong with the man who had come over, he was undeniably hot, seemed nice and even looked somewhat like Itachi. But the discomfort that came with the kiss showed Sasuke that there was a deep set issue with Sasuke being in love with Itachi - he couldn't be with someone else.

Did this mean he would never be able to have a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone, ever? Would his only intimate moments be in dreams and fantasies? Was he doomed to a solitary life because he was so desperately in love with his brother? He had a feeling that this was the case.

Falling out of love with Itachi so that he could eventually be in a fulfilling relationship with someone else just wasn't an option. Sasuke didn't think he could force himself to do that, nor did he want to. Loving Itachi in this way had come to him naturally. It wasn't something that he chose to do, he just did it. He could not stop his feelings. He could only control how he acted on them.

So he would go back to doing what he had been for the past several years, before he had attempted to find a temporary replacement for Itachi. He would box up his emotions for Itachi and leave the box in a corner of his mind to collect dust. He would focus on the other aspects of his life, throwing himself into his schoolwork or whatever he needed to so that he could distract himself. And he would only free his feelings for Itachi from their confinement once in a while when he was alone, to fantasize about them being together. Because he felt that he owed himself those small moments of happiness, and he couldn't dream of pleasuring himself without thinking of the one he really wanted to be with.

And beyond that, he would be alone. He wouldn't pursue anyone else, because he knew now that he couldn't. He would have to settle for the little time he got with his brother as time together as _brothers_. He would just be Otouto, not Otouto and lover.

And that would have to be enough.


End file.
